10. Self-loathing
For the last nine issues of this magazine I have listed reasons why my gender is repulsive. I thought it would be fun, but I became depressed and conflicted. Then I got a bit thirsty... Afterwards I kind of flailed around a bit, like when you can’t get comfortable in bed and lose your temper with your duvet.
Obviously there is no
getting away from the fact that I am male – a white, heterosexual,
First-World male at that. But am I also a complete asshole? I try not
to be, but does the fact that I have to try mean that my true nature is
something I detest?
This brings me reluctantly to my least favourite
male quality: self-loathing, particularly the sort of indulgent,
brooding crap in the previous paragraph.
It’s this condition that leads us men to approach life with a general
sense of performance anxiety. There is life out there to be lived,
things to be climbed, beautiful, dangerous ideas that should be shouted
from rooftops, nailed to doors or published in shiny magazines.
Contemplating your faults, moaning at your shrink or drinking American
beer while watching sports on your own – indulging in these behaviours
means you’ll never make anything good happen.
If, at the end of the day, we have to use the stupid, impulsive, even
aggressive part of the male mindset to get things done, then okay,
let’s do it. Enough of all this whinging.
by rory o’keeffe
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