Trevor White applies his seven-second theory of restaurant reviewing to the kitchens of Melbourne
I recently caused a minor kerfuffle in Melbourne, where a large daily newspaper published my seven-second guide to the city’s top restaurants. I was trying to prove that first impressions are hugely important when it comes to dining out. To be honest, the theory isn’t entirely foolproof.
Some of the places I raved about disappointed on a second visit, while others pulled their socks up. Surprising? Hardly. Once recognized, a food critic is either poisoned (rare, but not unknown) or treated like a rich old uncle on his deathbed. Hence minor miseries suddenly become small joys. To be fair, there have been plenty of those: Melbourne is full of good restaurants.
If you have the good fortune to visit the city at any point soon – seems like half the country is going in search of work – here are the restaurants that reward repeated inspection:
Chateau Yering
This lavish country house hotel is not cheap, and it’s quite a distance from the city, but the pilgrimage is well worth making. Head chef Mathew Macartney (pictured) is heavily influenced by Ferran Adria of El Bulli, and he shares the Wizard of Odd’s imagination. Try the dégustation menu; it’s worth the splurge. Arguably the most exciting young chef at work in Victoria today, Macartney deserves more attention.
Anada
A tall, good-looking couple sit at the bar. They exchange lustful glances. Tapas arrive and are quickly devoured. (Try the chilled almond soup.) Half way through a bottle of wine the lovers stand up, walk out and go home. Did they have an argument? Or were they rushing to bed? The latter, I suspect. This food is damn sexy. A waitress is stuck with the bill. She seems remarkably unfazed by the incident. It’s that kind of place.
Bar Lourinhã
Melbourne is full of restaurants that appear laidback – scratch the surface, however, and you discover that there is real talent in the kitchen. It’s part of what makes dining out here such a pleasure. In that regard Bar Lourinha is typical. Try the iceberg hearts with anchovies and aioli. It’s a glorified side salad that both quenches thirst and satiates appetite. (In Ireland we also have such a dish. It’s called a pint of Guinness.)
St Jude’s Cellars
My girlfriend is a foodie with simple tastes: as long as you grow it yourself, without the use of chemicals, she is more than happy to eat it. Hence St Jude’s. Despite the fact that there is a wine shop attached to the restaurant, only two of the bottles are certified organic. The manager struggles to explain this, but we soon forgive him. Indeed one bite of poached veal fillet with a crumbly topping of chopped egg, roasted almonds, shallot and parsley is enough to seal the deal. A triumph.
Lau’s Family Kitchen
Everyone loves the Flower Drum. We like this little sister operation off manically busy Fitzroy Street. It’s the sort of place that is always full, and the prices are steeper than your average suburban Chinese. But the cooking is good and the waiters are attentive. Not, then, the best Chinese in the city – that honour belongs to its big brother – but certainly the top restaurant in St Kilda. (Don’t get me started on how easy it is to eat badly by the beach.)
Cumulus
We were enchanted by the cooking on our first visit. Plus: we loved the dining room. We’ve been back a few times, and while Cumulus is the sort of place that any city should be grateful for, we struggle to identify a standout dish. Yes, the chilli and garlic prawns are a fun starter to share, and yes, the wagyu tongue is delicious. Neither is spectacular. Still, there’s an artistry about Andrew McConnell’s menu that is worth hailing. P.S We didn’t see him in the kitchen once.
Aire Valley
The dining room of this charming guesthouse is small, and it has only been open for a few months. Frankly I don’t know how long the restaurant side of the operation will last. (They couldn’t be making much money.) All the more reason for making the journey down to Apollo Bay soon. Once you get there, you are liable to see most of the ingredients for your dinner picked in front of your eyes. It’s that sort of place: wholly organic, defiantly old-fashioned and utterly delightful.
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