The Dubliner Magazine

Guns and Roses (and Bottles)

The wheels fall off Axl

To repeat a joke I once read on a bathroom wall: What do you call a Labour/ Sinn Féin coalition?

Guns 'n Roses.

Of course decommissioning has rendered that joke unfunny now, but somethings never change.

One of those things is the madness of Axl Rose. Witness last night's debacle below:

Pajama Jam

Last Stand to Reason

Jimmy Carr tweeted that they were the best Edinburgh show he'd seen for the past couple of years and other comedians have been raving about them.

See what all the fuss is about below.

The Pajama Men will be appearing at ABSOLUT Fringe this month at The Grand Social.

More from the uncaped crusader...

... marauding the streets and your homes

Clondalkin's number two vigilante gets closer to turning into a criminal.

Tonight With Sarah Carey...

... we'll just be pretending to chat to each other

We all know that television land is an artificial place. That's obvious to anyone. Most of the time when  they're apparently chatting at the end of the news, they're more than likely just mouthing 'rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb'.

But when the illusion is so blatantly shattered it can be quite surprising.

Street Cobra Home Invasion

He's climbing through your windows

But luckily he's not snatching your people up: Dublin's most terrifying vigilante returns to terrorize the street.

The Space Race

"It's a giant lep for another man"

In these days of endless stand-up profanity, it can be very enjoyable to see stand-up as gas as Kevin McAleer that's basically just like listening to your grandad.

If your grandad was a genius.

McAleer will be appearing at Whelan's this Sunday at 8pm courtesy of Comedy Ireland.

She Drinks Tequila

He talks dirty in Leaving Cert Spanish

At my deb's, I got drunk, tried to score my best friend's date and vomited up some partially-chewed profiteroles on to my rented suit.

Crystal Swinger Derek Burke has a much different idea and has decided to bring a married mother-of-one for some huckle-bucking instead.

No, disappointingly it's not his sister or aunt or even his second cousin, but instead, RTE D-lister Lucy Kennedy will be on his arm.

The pair will be followed by a film crew meaning inevitably that the grim charade will eventually be winding its way onto our licensed screens.

If you ever needed proof that our national broadcaster seems to exist solely to give airtime to Ms. Kennedy, this would be it.

And now it seems we'll be spending some wet winter night watching her drink tequila with a bunch of teenagers in a mid-market hotel. Terrific.

Museums, Art and Terrifying Culture

Mummies, tampons and whale wangs

The Dublin Wax Museum may seem like a terrifying place, with its fingerless statues of a corpulent Brendan Behan and the ability to gaze up at the chicken wire under Colin Farrell's skirt, but that is as nothing compared to some of the horrors you can witness in museums across the world.

What about the Icelandic Phallological Museum? Or the Mexican Museum of Mummies?

Or the Museum of Menstruation and Women's Health in some guy's basement in Maryland?

For a complete list of the world's 7 Most Horrifying Museums, click here.

A Day in the Life of Street Cobra

A bin full of justice

Crime is rising, the streets are getting meaner and the police can't help us. Who can save us from Dublin's thugs?

Clearly not this guy.

These tow-owns...

... are coming like a ghost town

There are 620 'ghost estates' dotted around the motorways and national roads of our fair republic, massive concrete blights on our landscape that serve as a troubling testament to our recent greed and short-sightedness.

But what are we going to do with these monstrosities which are posing serious environmental and health dangers?

Here are some suggestions:

Turn them into urban paintball environments

Paintball has become the sport of choice for stags, office workers and closet rageoholics in recent times. Why not take advantage of this recent vogue and use our unused ghost estates as exciting urban scenarios for bored middle-class males? Experience the exhilarating rush of close-quarter skirmishes like Stalingrad, Basra or Berlin all from the comfort of our beautiful midlands.

Turn them into prison cells for light-fingered politicians

So Paddy O'Klepto TD has declared travel expenses on a second home in Mullingar or Marbella or Madagascar or somewhere and has been sinking state funds into his private horse ranch in Aruba. How are we going to punish him? With gruel, bad plumbing and a nice view of the N4.

Make developers sell their homes and live in them

You owe the Nationalised Irish Bank several million but you still drive an Aston Martin and live in a six-bedder in Ranelagh? Welcome to your new home on the outskirts of Longford town. Thanks for the sponds back.

Give ghost town tours

The Dublin Ghost Bus Tour seems to be popular and American ghost town tours have been attracting visitors for years now. So why don't we get in on the act?

American and Japanese tourists can roam Westmeath and Longford in open-top buses and snap away as they see where Jamesie Connor once sold three fields for 3 billion euro and a pack of Major back in the old gold prospecting days of 2004.